Things I’m afraid to tell you
May 16th, 2012Now that I survived the Girls, Inc. renovation (lordy!), I’ve been working to get caught up on a few things. One “To Do” included reviewing recent activity in the world of design blogs. In my absence, a mini-movement has developed amongst bloggers to promote authentic, let’s-get-real conversations with our readers. I’m all about being real, so here goes.
Things I’m afraid to tell you…
… My home is not perfect. I’m not saying that to be modest or from the perspective of a picky perfectionist either. At this point in my life, I am still in a small apartment with a major mish-mosh of hand-me-down furnishings. Granted, it is a cute home, but far from ideal. I will say that I am incredibly grateful for this home as it has been an affordable option during the early years of building my business.
I’ve explored a variety of styles over the years (hence the cumulative mish-mosh, 9 apartments later), but that is life, I suppose. You try something on and see if it sticks. All the while, our choices help us to define who we are and what we want. These days I get to play vicariously through my clients, and finally seem to have discovered my own groove. The timing is perfect as Ray and I plan to purchase a house next year. I am so eager for the liberty to go wherever my creativity takes me. Hopefully you know this “ideal home” is not just about new/pretty stuff. I dream of a kitchen where Ray and I can cook together, a yard to garden and bar-b-que, a place where we can see the stars and adopt a dog. We’ll get there someday, and I promise to share pictures when we do.
… I compare myself to others. This probably shows up the most when I think about having kids. So many of my peers are long since married and have become parents. I’m just barely engaged and worry that I will miss my opportunity to become a mother. Once upon a time my “plan” was to be married at 25 years old and a mother by 27. Apparently that was not the path that I was meant to take, and yet I still struggle to accept my chosen path instead. So where do I go from here? Well, I’m still working on that. I think it comes down to loving myself where I’m at, and having faith that God has a plan for me. Where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be.
… I feel lazy. Then again, I just might be tired. There is so much that goes into running your own business - you’re the marketing department, accounting department, sales, customer service, heck you’re probably the janitor too. Aside from Lavender & Lotus, I also work a part-time job, am active in a networking group, and maintain this blog. But like many others, I am also a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and most recently a fiancee. There is always something to do and I struggle to find the energy for it all. The endless persuit of balance I suppose. Occasionally I find myself contemplating a return to full-time employment – regular hours, consistent pay… but then I remember the potential of what this business could be.
Hopefully you recognize that this post was about coming from the heart and not just an open forum to complain. I am truly happy with my life and am grateful for your support <3
What do you think?
